May 14 - Undetectable!

Starbucks bold coffee, maple oat scone (with maple icing on top), and Saturday morning. Yes, it’s true, although it was to be another week to wait to call for my 12 week results, best friend Barb convinced me that I should check in “just in case”. Indeed, the pcr is back and my viral load is “less than 600”. Nurse Sharon was very sure to repeat the “less than 600” several times, as compared to “undetectable”. However, as I know that the test limit viral load is 600, then by this test I am undetectable. At the end of treatment at 24 weeks, they will do a more exacting quantitative test, which will measure viral load of 50 or more. So, down from 1.48 million to less than 600 feels pretty darn good. I remain “guardedly optimistic”, aware that viral load can do a breakthrough upswing by treatment end and that relapse can occur within the six months post treatment, or perhaps even later. Despite nurse Sharon’s obvious caution about providing any semblance of hope, I told her she’d made my weekend and this news has. I am one happy camper!

I think we need to be able to feel happy during treatment. I understand the professional responsibility of not providing false hope, particularly with a treatment that offers only a percentage opportunity to achieve clinical efficacy. Know about the desire of a patient to cling to the smallest possibility of hope, no matter how minute or unlikely. Am aware of the crushing defeat and anger and desire to place blame experienced by the patient when the outcome is not the one that was hoped for. Of the fragile position of the health care professional within this process. But I will feel happy today. This treatment, although certainly doable, is no walk in the park. I deserve to feel happy. I will take this information and add it to the positive points that keep me taking those riba pills each day and doing those needles every Friday night. This is a good prognostic indicator.

The past week has been much, much better in terms of side effects than the one previous. Nioxin is the still the hair care product of choice, but Ron assures me that I am the only one noticing that my hair is thinning. He also assures me that the lack of body fat is making me look extremely healthy and fit. He is one wonderful husband… Big points for Ron! The headache was absent this past week (yay!), replaced by increased brain fog. Hmmm, pain versus vacuous affect, hard to choose… think I’ll go with the fog, at least it’s not crippling. Peter remarked in a comment to Paul (yikes, this is sounding pretty biblical), that the side effects of treatment are cyclical, an astute observation. It helps to know this. Lavendar aromatherapy has been beneficial for getting me back to sleep with those early morning wake-ups. My shiatsu treatment Thursday was so good. It is interesting to observe which areas are more sensitive at each treatment and Allison and I were discussing this variability, as well as treating the effects of the chemo, in addition to those of chronic liver disease.

During the week, my sister Nan called me from Montreal each day. Her continued presence gives me great strength. I hope that someday I can give something so significant back to her. Barb took me out to dinner to my favorite Toronto restaurant, El Bodegon, a Peruvian restaurant that has absolutely amazing food. Work has been less busy, but steady and I love the site I am at. Have one more week on this rotation and then return to the main hospital site for 6 weeks. Have been listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Supremes, K-OS and tons of Tom Waits, everything from Nighthawks to Real Gone, one of my very favorite cds. Weather early in the week was gorgeous, up to 25 and sunny but, in keeping with Toronto’s consistently inconsistent weather, it is now 8 degrees and rainy.

Shot #15 is now complete. Single digits left to go! Add it to the list of motivators to keep on going! Biggest highlight of the week is that my father is up visiting from Maryland where they live in a “gated community” out on the Chesapeake. Not sure how I really feel about “gated communities”, but they do have a lovely home and the place is gorgeous, with tons of landscaped countryside to walk the Jack Russell terriers. They are very happy there. We are thrilled and ecstatic to be seeing Dad! He is a riot! He is coming over tonight and making me dinner for post-shot day – wow, Dad. Tomorrow, he’s taking all of us and my sister Sal and her family, out for dinner. I’ve made reservations at a nearby place that has terrific food and a ton of local multicultural ambience. If the weather’s nice (?), we can sit on their large patio in the sun and watch the world slide by. Monday, Dad’s off to Montreal to see Nan. Then he’s dropping by Ottawa to see one of his best friends. He’ll then return to the wilds of the North Eastern U.S. shore and we’ll hook up with him again at our cottage in Muskoka this coming August. Seeing him now is an added treat to life and I can hardly wait!

Sue