Sunday, May 01, 2005

May 1 - Beltane greetings!

May already. The time is flying! Am teaching our newest hire. Already with us for several months and now, having been trained at our largest site, is learning the requirements of the satellite institutions. Not really satellites – each institution has its own particular areas of specialization and related requirements for our position. She is a quick learner, a very bright young woman and I’m quite enjoying working with her. She has high standards and brings them to her work, not something seen every day.

Was into the nurse Friday morning and had the ½ way bloods done. Will be seeing her again in 4 weeks for more, but she’s said I can call her in 3 and see if the pcr quantitative viral load is in. There were some aspects of our conversation that I found uncomfortable, largely related to options should I be a non-responder at this stage of treatment. It’s likely that she is just doing her job, reminding me in her own way that not everyone clears. It’s also likely that the non-responder label is a very difficult one for me to want to consider. Struggled with several concepts for a while yesterday. Have decided to stick with optimism instead of wallowing in “what ifs?”. Will wait and see where things lie in a few weeks. In the meantime, all my other blood work is pretty consistent. Hgb around 120 (117-160), ALT 28 (12-48), WBC down at 3.8 (4.0-11.0), as are neutrophils at 1.3 (2.0-7.5), but we’re still a way from treating. Shot #13 on Friday night progressed as usual. Took my comfort Tylenol, but slept poorly Friday night. Suspect it was more due to my concerns about whether I’m clearing, or not, than the actual side effects. Yesterday was very quiet and I slept well last night. Ron gave me an amazing back massage with Lush Dream Cream – what a great man. Did a nice long yoga session before bed. Have a Zen Shiatsu booked for next week, which will help to balance me.

Toronto continues cold and rainy, although the sun is trying to peek through this morning. 8 Celsius yesterday. Weather must warm up soon – it is May! Flowers are starting to bloom and I noticed iris and daffodil as I walked in to work this week! Buds are appearing on the trees. Also this week, Phil performed multiple concerts – Tuesday evening at the Toronto concert hall that his brother, James, attended, Wednesday morning at another high school, Thursday night at his high school, which James and I went to. All terrific! I’ve made the first payment on his trip to Europe next year (ouch! but worth it), and afterwards had about an hour walk home, bundled up against the cold wind, but loving the downtown streets, people, restaurants and shops. This city is so alive. Wednesday night, Barb treated me to Indian buffet once again (she’s so wonderful), always delicious. Poor Ron’s had a rough week, with dental surgery, which is why he wasn’t able to get to Phil’s concerts. Seems to be the only sequelae of his diabetes, which he was diagnosed with as a teenager. Limbs good, eyes good, kidneys okay, but serious vasculopathy of his gums and, of course, easily infected. Having had diabetes and requiring insulin for over 30 years, I know that it could be much worse. Still, it’s awful to see him suffering.

Am meeting a friend for latte today around lunch at an Italian café up the street. Sister Sally and niece Sarah may be dropping by this aft. Sarah just finished her second year of an economics degree at the University of Guelph and is back with Sal while she works for the summer here in Toronto. Sarah also just dyed her hair dark brown, (well, “maple” brown, with dark brown low lights), which I can hardly wait to see! James and Annikka may be coming by for dinner. Am making perogies, onions, bacon and sour cream, with salad. Will be tons for who ever decides they want some! Food still tasting wonderful and weight still hasn’t budged – gotta love it.
Happy May Day to all! Sue

5 Comments:

Blogger Sue, Toronto said...

Hi Javier,

22 and sunshine in Barcelona sounding much better than the weather here. Thanks so much for your support - you're right, it is not something that I can control and will just have to wait and see.

Take care and enjoy the sun! Sue

4:11 PM  
Blogger Sue, Toronto said...

Hi Ron,

Yes, the "guardedly optimistic" space would seem slightly more fragile than I'd thought. Perhaps part of the mid-point difficulty I was watching myself for is related to letting go, accepting that it's not something within my control and that it will be what it is. Think it also has to do with recognition of the reality of the situation, of the treatment having finite limits (had been feeling a bit like I'd be on interferon forever and now, past halfway, see the light at the end of the tunnel), of the potential outcomes.

I remain optimistic though, think my chances are good. You are right that the energy is, as always, better directed positively.

Sue

6:37 PM  
Blogger lu said...

Hi Sue
Am tempted to just copy what Javier and Ron have said, but won't! I do agree with them tho!

You sound like you're really enjoying things in your life - the flowers, the buds on the trees, the bustle of the city. Is this as it always was or have you found yourself becoming more and more aware of such things? It is great to hear you being so connected to the moment.

All the best
Lu

Oh and the weather here - rainy showers intersperced with sunshine. Sparrows singing their socks off at 4.30am...on the gutter outside my bedroom window...!

3:06 PM  
Blogger Sue, Toronto said...

Hi Lu,

I think I've always noticed those things. Some of the fondest memories I have of both my kids growing up involves our noticing all the small wonders around us and watching the light in their faces as they saw them too. This disease and its treatment underscores the beauty of the world and makes me appreciate it even more.

Sparrows singing on the gutter at 4:30 sounds amazing. Pretty incredible wake up call!

Sue

8:18 PM  
Blogger Sue, Toronto said...

Hi Jeremy,

Thank you so much for your support. It's so very hard letting go and allowing things to unfold as they will. Going through treatment has given me patience that I was unaware I had the capacity for. Mostly because there's no choice in the matter. Comply with my medication regime, don't drink, eat right, sleep well, stay positive.... things will turn out as they do.

All those things though increase the likelihood of clearing and support what it is the treatment will hopefully do. Plus, the genotype 3 status does statistically favour us.

Maybe having to step back and allow the world to follow its course is part of what I am supposed to gain from this experience. However, those pcr results can't come too soon!

Talk to you soon, Sue

8:29 PM  

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